Are you scared of dying? Do you worry what will happen to those you love? How will they cope? Will life not go on because you have gone? This was exactly how I felt up until about 3 years ago. Then I had a life changing experience. I was severely depressed after the loss of a parent, struggling with the knowledge of cancer and the pressures of family and life. I sat at the edge of the river outside my house and wondered if I walked into the water and just sat underneath it, when death came what would it change. It was the realisation at that point that my children would still be looked after, they would be fed and cared for. That my partner would get on with life and that to be honest I doubted, at that point, if any of them had realised I was out of the house. You see I had become very good at providing what the people in my life needed and completely ignoring myself. As a result their lives ran smoothly, with little effort or thought and I took the strain. My depression was mere exhaustion and a loss of self respect. The next day I sort help from my Doctor and life went on. Then another dilemma arose....I realised I was scared of losing those around me. I worried my partner would die and leave me alone, my children would leave home and never look back and that I would be old, useless and alone. Three years later on the day I married my husband I realised that I had come a long way. I was happy in his company, I enjoyed the way he encouraged me in my dreams and spiritual growth, but I was no longer scared that I would be alone if he died, I knew we could be a couple without me needing to cling to him for security. You see we are all alone, our path is ours and ours alone to follow. The people we choose to have in our lives should be there to help us smile, encourage us and challenge us. We should give to others but not in a way that influences them. They should, like we should, be allowed to make their own choices, and even their own mistakes. As John Donne said
"
No man is an island entire of itself", our interactions with others are important but what we must remember is that as much as our romantic view of being indispensable to others is we are merely here to learn and do the best we can in this life. By making ourselves martyrs to others needs and ignoring our growth and learning, we do others a disservice. So am I scared of dying...NO. Am I scared of losing loved ones...NO. Yes
"No man is an island entire of itself", service to others is essential for our humanity, however it should never be something that you define yourself by. So go and be you, be the best you can and live your best life. Remember your journey is unique to you, so you only have you to blame if it's not working. If it feels wrong examine it, alter it and try again, be a good human. |
 |
|||||||
 
|
|
 |
|||||
    |
|||||||
