Are you a homebody or a wanderlust junkie? Me? Well I'm
a bit of a contradiction. I would quite happily hole myself up at home,
order my shopping online, only communicate with the outside world
through the Internet or phone and spend my life reading, knitting and
just being. However every now and again I start to feel dissatisfied,
like I'm missing out, like I'm not fulfilling my potential. I question
whether life is too easy, have I got it too good, do I deserve the life I
have now?
I suppose that is why up until last year my son I have have had 9 homes
in 10 years. Up until last year I had spent my time stumbling from one
bad relationship to another, finding totally incompatible people to live
with and trying to toe the conventional line. Now each of
these gorgeous men were unconventional in some way. As the years went by
I chose less and less conventional men but each time they showed that
the values in society that I disliked most, chasing money, the woman's
place in the home etc. And I failed to find someone who understood me
and a place where I felt truly at home. In January
last year I moved into a home with my son, after a close call with
moving to Central America, and made the promise to myself and him that
we would be staying in the city of Leicester for as long as possible. We
were in dire need of some roots, but also in need of being able to set
our family life up in a way that was unique to us. I met my now
Husband at the same time. We lived less than two minutes from each
others front door and so had our own space and through a rocky first
year we managed to establish a relationship where both of us felt
combining our homes was the way to go. I have spent
two weeks with my old feeling of dissatisfaction rising. I knew it
wasn't anything to do with not feeling at home, or with being with the
wrong person. My husband understands me, if he's unsure of what I mean
or what I'm feeling he asks me outright. So what was causing this? Before we
fell asleep last night my Husband and I chatted about it. The conclusion
he came to was that I need to take back my space...I found this a
really annoying suggestion...we live in the smallest flat on the
planet...but this morning I realised my space is nothing to do with my
external home, it's to do with my home within.
I've realise my inner space needs a bit of a rejig. I need to find
inner peace again. Simple...yeah right...for a woman who has spent 10
years running about searching for home this is not a simple
concept...it's inspirational. |
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